I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
