Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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