Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
