I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
