9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
