ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
