Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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