I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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