im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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