Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
