I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
