He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
