But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
