Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
