If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
