i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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