That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
