I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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