hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
