dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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