these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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