Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
