So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
