tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
