glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I did not marry a roomba.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
