we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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