Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
