How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
