Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
