ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
