I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
