Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
