Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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