I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
