Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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