I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need to stop coming to work sober
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I want is dick and wine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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