Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
