you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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