how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have post one night stand depression
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
