God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
