I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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