I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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