It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
