She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
