Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
