Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
