I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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