My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
