i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
