im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
