Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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