i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
