It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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