ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
