and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's always time for handjobs
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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